A Limbonic State

Limbonic, a word made up by me, defined as "an adjective describing someone or something in limbo". My Dad at least gets a kick out of my made up words. How is our life limbonic these days? Well we are seriously looking into the possibility of moving south, no not Kansas, more like Washington (iowa) or Mt Pleasant. The reasons? To live some place more affordable, taxes etc; We want to get in a house where we aren't barely making ends meet and we're living well within our means. Mitch is sick of the drive on 380 between c.r. and iowa city. Many times it takes him 50 minutes to get home. Family is another reason, the long drive to Mitch's family gets old, and no doubtedly for them too. I get lonely for family and it' really hard for me when growing up I spent so much time with my parents, brothers (2 certain cousins and their parents) We were each other's best friends and I miss that! I miss sibling bonding. Also an added bonus is I would be closer to my sisterfriend Katie C. :) How would all this happen??? Well first we would have to find a home that we thought was worth putting an offer on in the two previously mentioned areas. The offer would be contingent upon the selling of our home, it might have to be a home that had been on the market for the while so we wouldn't have to deal with other people's offers coming in on the house. Then we would have to put ours on the market, and sell it. It would be awesome if we could sell it on our own because we could give someone a better deal than they would've gotten and we might come away with a little more but who knows, it's all overwhelming.
The reasons why I wouldn't want to move. Our church. We love our church, we love our pastor. It took us our whole marriage to find a church like this that preaches the word with actual depth, is not all about marketing itself to make it appealing. It's very centered on preaching God's truth, being faithful there and letting God draw the people, not the church and any gimmicks it can think up. Finding that church was literally answered prayer for us. Oh did I mention how much we love the music too?? I get so so sick of the repetitive chorus's of shallowness about how I'm going to do Lord, you're so privileged to have me praising you. I remember trying to feel worshipful at other churches singing that and I just couldn't. It was awesome to go to a church that sang awesome hymns, new and old that held so much doctrine and depth about the awesomeness of the Lord. I love the piano and violin, I know that's personal pref but it doesn't distract me or make me feel I'm watching a performance. Anyway so I love the church, the music puts me a worshipful thankful state and the preaching is answered prayer.
Other less important reasons for not moving. Our privacy fence... my fence!!! How wonderful it was to just open the deck doors and let the kids play without worrying about them running off or getting kidnapped. oh my sweet fence, parting would be such sweet sorrow. Along with the fence all the other work we've done to the house... I know whatever we move to will need work.
The school district, we're in a really good school district, and Isabelle has to be enrolled by March 1st. Which I will do. But I hate to think of going through the whole round-up rigamarole, showing her where she's going to go to school, teaching her our address then, oh we're moving, you're going to THIS school Isabelle, and learn the new address. Maybe I'm underestimating a child's resilience.
Ah yes and then there's just the plain hell that is moving, the selling the buying, the paperwork, packing, unpacking, closing utilities down, and setting up new ones...
Amidst all that, for some weird reason ( The Lord's Mercy) I have peace that this will all work out. I'm sort of wanting to move and tackle all this ridiculousness and I'm looking almost everyday online for homes and we'll go through some when it's not 5 degrees on the weekend. The hard thing is remaining pliable, I want to choose a path and go down it as opposed to hovering between the two. I want to dig in my heels and stay or get this moving ball rolling and know what exactly is ahead of us. But I'd be missing out on an opportunity to trust the Lord and watch Him work, and answer prayers. If took this whole thing on myself I know the anxiety would rear it's ugly head.
It's taking me a long time to realize that I won't achieve my perfect state of all things made right, happiness here on earth. There will always be some loose end, someone or myself in turmoil one way or another and always one more material thing to make my life better. I was the type of mother when Isabelle was born that is was hard for me to just enjoy her and stare at the clutter on the floor, the undone dishes and laundry, I wanted to have the house in order, myself ready for the day and then in my perfect utopia I would then rock my baby. The Lord's been teaching me a lot about prioritizing,I have to stop and think, will I regret that I didn't get the house perfectly de-cluttered (another made up word, but you know exactly what I mean) everyday or that I spent 30 minutes with Isabelle doing her beloved school lesson " You make me want to say thank you Mommy for doing my school lesson with me" is what she told me today along with some " I love you's" and hugs. We've barely done any this year. So I wanted to end on something I read from Spurgeon's Morning and Evening that was a good perspective check.
Sooner or later every bar of gold must pass through the fire. Fear not, but rather rejoice that such fruitful times are in store for you, for in them you will be weaned from earth and made meet for heaven ;you will be delivered from clinging to the presnet, and made to long for those eternal things which are so soon to be revealed to you. When you feel that as regards the present you do serve God for nought, you will then rejoice in the infinite reward of the future.
More Spurgeon I just had to throw in:
Great believer, thou wouldst have been a great sinner if God had not made thee to differ. O thou who art valiant for truth, thou wouldst have been as valiant for error if grace had not laid hold upon thee. Therfore be not proud, though thou hast a large estate- a wide domain of grace, thou hadst not once a single thing to call thine own except thy sin and misery. Oh! strange infatuation, that thou, who hast borrowed everything, shouldst think of exalting thyself; a poor dependent pensioner upon the bounty of thy Saviour, one who hath a life which dies without fresh streams of life from Jesus, and yet proud! Fie on thee, oh silly heart!

that's good stuff